How to stop breaking promises to yourself

How to stop breaking promises to yourself

Lately I’ve realized I haven’t kept a lot of the promises I’ve made to myself. I tell myself I’m going to do something, and then go back on my word as if it didn’t even matter. I think it’s harder to keep promises we make to ourself because, unlike promises we make to our friends or family, there isn’t another person to call us out when we don’t follow through. We’re on our own and have to have self discipline and will power in order to successfully keep our promise, and that’s not always easy. 

Some of the promises I’ve made to myself that I’ve had a hard time following through on include: 

  • Exercising regularly 
  • Eating healthier/not binging on junk food 
  • Learning to cook and eating at home more often 
  • Writing frequent blog posts
  • Learning more songs on the piano 
  • Journaling and listening to meditations before going to sleep

I keep telling myself I’m going to start doing these things, but then I go back on my word. When I look at everything listed out like that, it can feel overwhelming and I have a habit of starting a cycle of negative self-talk that sounds something like this: “There’s so much I’m not doing! Why aren’t I doing it? What’s wrong with me? At this rate I’ll never accomplish all of this! I’m just going to continue letting myself down!” When I get really overwhelmed I tend to shut down, and decide to just not try. “I can’t do all of this, so I guess I’m just going to do nothing.” 

I’ve recently realized one of the keys to breaking this habit is to go easier on myself. While I do want to hold myself accountable and stop this habit of breaking promises, I know I’m not going to succeed if I’m being overly critical of myself. Instead, I’ve decided to make a goal of following through on at least one small promise every day. I saw the concept in this Instagram post and it really hit home with me. I don’t have to do everything every single day, but if I practice following through on at least one promise, I’ll get in the habit of not letting myself down! Even if the one thing is just playing piano for 10 minutes, or listening to a sleep meditation before bed, I can go to sleep knowing I succeeded at something that day. 

I’ve only employed that concept for a couple days now, but I’ve already noticed a weight lifted off my shoulders. It’s not about doing everything, it’s about putting in the effort to just do something! I got out of my comfort zone and tried two new workout classes, and I listened to guided meditations before bed two nights in a row. I also practiced a song on my keyboard earlier today, and now I’m writing this blog post!

The neat thing is, I’ve noticed once I accomplish one small thing, I feel more motivated to keep going and get even more accomplished. I came home from my workout class tonight ready to knock a few more items off my to-do list, because I knew I’d already kept one promise to myself. On the flip side, if I had skipped the workout and started beating myself up about it, I bet I would have just ended up just watching TV and going to sleep feeling dejected, and would be more likely to do the same tomorrow.

I’m sure I will still have days where I feel like I didn’t accomplish anything, and that I broke all of my promises to myself. And that’s okay, I’m human and can’t expect to be productive every single day. I’m never going to be perfect. But I think making an effort to at least keep one small promise each day will help a lot, and will lead to feeling more satisfied with my life.

Do you have a hard time following through on promises you make to yourself? What are some small promises you think you could start following through on every day? What helps you feel more motivated? Let me know in the comments! 

26 Lessons I Learned This Year

26 Lessons I Learned This Year

Last year on my 25th birthday, I wrote a post called 25 Lessons I’ve Learned in 25 Years. It’s hard to believe it’s already been a year, but I’m back with a similar post in honor of my 26th birthday. This time I thought I’d share lessons I learned this past year specifically. It was a year of a lot of change and personal growth, so I found it surprisingly easy to come up with 26 lessons I wanted to share with you all.

So, in no particular order, here are 26 things I learned this year:

  1. I learned to embrace all parts of myself, especially the parts I try to hide, suppress, or deny. In Jungian psychology, there’s something called the “shadow”, which essentially refers to the things we don’t like about ourselves. Those personality traits we wish we didn’t have. This year I’ve finally learned to embrace my shadows and listen to the gifts they are trying to give me.
  2. I learned that putting myself first is not selfish. I finally started looking out for my own best interests, and standing up for myself.
  3. I learned I need to take responsibility for my own happiness. I can complain all I want, and feel sorry for myself when things don’t go my way, but at the end of the day I am the only person who has control over how I’m feeling.
  4. I learned that not doing something for fear of failure feels much worse than trying and failing. I had my fair share of “failures” this year, but I also had a lot of moments of courage that paid off. I always regret non-action more than I regret trying and failing.
  5. I learned everyone has a different timeline for their life. My life might not follow the exact same path, or timeline, as my friends. And that’s okay. I believe everything happens for a reason, and I will get everything I want in life exactly when I am meant to.
  6. I learned that every year will bring new friendships. I always like thinking about the people who helped me celebrate my birthday this year, versus last year. Each year brings so many amazing new friends into my life.
  7. I learned forgiving others and forgiving yourself can set you free. Holding grudges causes so much stress, and really weighs me down. This year I finally learned how to let go of the past, from things others have done wrong to things I have done wrong.
  8. I learned to use my voice to stand up for what I believe in, and share my opinions. I spent so many years feeling afraid to be vulnerable and talk about how I really feel. This year I finally realized people want to hear what I have to say.
  9. I learned there’s always someone else going through something similar. Talking about what I’m going through (on this blog, social media, or in person) can help others feel less alone.
  10. I learned therapy and life coaching only gets me so far if I don’t make the effort to help myself. I’m unashamed to say I’ve utilized therapy and coaching this year, and both have helped me a lot. But they are certainly not a cure. I have to find ways to help myself.
  11. I learned feeling better on a daily basis is as simple as doing more of what makes me feel good, and less of what makes me feel bad. One of the ways I’ve started helping myself is by doing more “self-care” which just means doing more of what lifts me up, and less of what brings me down.
  12. I learned most things in life aren’t black and white, and most situations and people are way more complicated than they seem. I changed my perspective on a lot of topics this year by being more open-minded and realizing not everything is as simple as it seems.
  13. I learned that a simple “I’m sorry” can go a long way. There were plenty of times this year where I messed up and was worried I couldn’t fix it. But in my experience, just saying sorry was the key, and people are more forgiving than I expected.
  14. I learned past traumas will follow me until I stop avoiding or suppressing the memories. I finally started acknowledging, and more importantly, talking about past experiences I hadn’t been ready to confront in the past. It really helped to stop bottling it up.
  15. I learned it’s okay to be vulnerable. People really appreciated it when I opened up more this year and wasn’t afraid to be emotional or talk about difficult topics.
  16. I learned I can’t predict or plan how my life will go. I have to just live in the moment. I’ve always been a planner, and I hate not knowing what’s going to happen in my life. But I took a step back this year and learned to appreciate the unknown.
  17. I learned my intuition is almost always right, and I need to listen when that inner voice is telling me something. I’m the queen of second guessing myself, but this year I started to get the hang of trusting myself more and not ignoring my gut feeling.
  18. I learned some of the best memories will be the simple moments. This year was filled with game nights, deep conversations at coffee shops, going on walks with my mom, weekly dinners with my dad, happy hours with friends. The simple times are the moments that stay in my mind.
  19. I learned it’s okay to ask for help. I’m the type of person who always wants to figure things out for myself, and I always feel hesitant to admit I need help. I’m finally starting to break that habit.
  20. I learned not every job will be the right fit, and I deserve to find a job that makes me feel happy and fulfilled. Job satisfaction is something I’m still striving for, and this year made me realize I need to make it a priority.
  21. I learned it’s okay to be single. I was single this entire year, and I learned a lot about myself and finally got to a point of seeing the benefits of being alone.
  22. I learned I want to see as much of the world as I can. Travel is such a passion for me, and I’m glad I made an effort to travel more last year. I intend to do the same in 2019!
  23. I learned being my own worst critic doesn’t do me any good. Beating myself up always makes things worse. I might as well be my own biggest supporter!
  24. I learned exercising and eating healthier really does make me feel better. It seems obvious, but I spent a long time avoiding it and finally started embracing a healthier life towards the end of 2018.
  25. I learned everyone else is just as confused and scared as I am. Whatever I’m feeling at any given time, there are countless others feeling the same way. We’re all just doing the best we can!
  26. I learned a year goes by just like that, so I can’t waste a single day. Here’s to the best year yet!

Which lesson(s) do you relate to the most? What are some lessons you learned this year? Leave a comment and let me know!

Dealing With Feeling Left Out

Dealing With Feeling Left Out

In my last blog post, I wrote about trying to be more vulnerable. I want share my thoughts and feelings about a variety of topics on this blog, in the hopes that some of you can relate. So with that in mind, today I want to talk about something that has been on my mind a lot lately, which is the idea of feeling left out.

In the spirit of vulnerability, I’m going to start by sharing one of my most vivid childhood memories that deals with feeling excluded. In fourth grade, I had become very close with a girl in my class. We would wear matching outfits to school so we could be “twins”, and were attached at the hip for most of that year. Then suddenly, my friend started spending time with another girl. I noticed the two of them walking to classes together and playing on the playground without me, and I started feeling jealous and hurt. I was worried I was losing my best friend.

I remember one day in particular, we were walking to PE class. I saw my friend and her new bestie walking in front of me. I tried to catch up with them, but they turned around, looked at me, and walked faster to avoid me. Not only did this make me feel even more sad, but it also made me angry. In fact, I still remember exactly how angry it made me feel, and I would argue to this day that is the angriest I have ever felt in my entire life. I was so angry that when we were running laps in PE class a few minutes later, I ran behind Friend Stealer and pushed her down! Or rather, I attempted to push her down. My skinny, weak self only managed to make her stumble.

Moving on to current times, I think social media has only made it easier to feel left out. I recently checked Instagram, only to see some of my friends hanging out without me. Granted, I already had plans that night, but I still got that familiar pit in my stomach when I saw their Stories. Social media makes it so easy to see what other people are doing at all times, so it’s easy to feel left out or get FOMO. When situations like this come up, I notice that my first internal reaction is similar to how I felt in fourth grade. I start to think negative thoughts like, “am I losing my friends? They probably don’t want to hang out with me anymore.”

Now, I want to be clear that deep down, I don’t truly believe those kind of negative thoughts. When I try to take my emotions out of it and just look at the situations logically, there is a perfectly reasonable explanation that does not involve people purposefully excluding me. But that’s the thing about emotions, isn’t it? You really have no control over how something makes you feel. The only thing you have control over is how you choose to react. Luckily, as an adult, I have gained the ability to stop myself from outbursts like pushing someone down when they exclude me. I no longer feel the overwhelming anger building up inside me, but I do still feel the sadness.

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When I experience situations where I feel left out, I choose to focus on the positive side of things. I remind myself of all the friends who are making an effort to spend time with me. Instead of letting the negative self-talk consume me, I attempt to change the narrative in my head. I think about all of the fun times I’ve had with friends recently, and remind myself that those fun times aren’t going to end just because a few people hung out without me. Sometimes by just thinking a little more logically about the situation, I’m able to make myself feel a little better.

It’s fascinating to me how, although we undoubtedly mature as we age, we still face many of the same emotional struggles as we did when we were kids. We just learn how to handle them better. Instead of pushing someone down, I’m choosing to get my feelings out in a blog post, and focusing on the positives in life. Yay for being more mature than my fourth grade self!

Do you have any childhood memories of feeling left out? Do you still have moments of feeling that way now? Let me know your experiences in the comments!

First Quarter Check-In: New Year’s Resolutions

First Quarter Check-In: New Year’s Resolutions

The first quarter of 2018 has flown by! I’ve spent a lot of time lately thinking about how to stay motivated and accountable for my goals. I want 2018 to be the year I accomplish a lot, so I thought I would take this time to share an update on how my New Year’s Resolutions are going so far, and talk about what I could improve.

The Successes

Travel to at least 3 new places

I’m on my way to success in this resolution. A week from today, I will be arriving in Costa Rica! My mom and I are going on vacation for a week, and I couldn’t be more excited. I’ve never been to Costa Rica, so this will mark #1 on my goal of 3 new places this year. I don’t have the other two trips booked or planned, but I will keep you all posted.

Try new restaurants in Austin

I have a list of restaurants I still want to try, but so far I would say this has been a success. I tried Picnik the other night, which is a restaurant I’ve wanted to try for a while now. I actually went alone, which is something I’m always nervous to do, but it was a great experience and the food and drink were delicious!

I posted about the idea of being nervous to go to dinner alone on my Instagram and Twitter, and it was really interesting to see what people had to say! Let me know in the comments your thoughts on going to dinner alone.

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Berry Basil Smash Cocktail

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Orange Chicken & Broccoli

Learn an instrument

This was honestly one of the resolutions I wasn’t sure I would succeed at, so shoutout to my parents for helping it come to fruition! For my birthday in March, my parents got me a piano keyboard, and I’ve loved playing around on it and teaching myself some songs. It’s harder than it seems to learn even simple songs, but YouTube tutorials really help. Plus, it’s fun to have a musical outlet! If I get brave enough I might share some videos in the future of me playing the piano and even singing…

Needs Improvement

Write the first draft of my book

This resolution was possibly the tallest order, so I suppose I shouldn’t be too hard on myself for failing so far. I’m going to be honest – I have not written a single sentence of my book. I’m going to need to be more determined to write in the next 9 months if I’m going to complete this goal.

My plan is to write something every single day, whether that is a sentence, a paragraph, or an entire chapter. I think making small steps like that will really help to get started.

Find a workout routine

This one hasn’t been a total failure, but has also not been a total success, so I’m categorizing it under “needs improvement.” My mom and I try to go on walks 3-4 times a week before I go to work, which is a good start. I also enjoy taking yoga classes, but I have not been very consistent about it. I would like to start doing more cardio, but I still just need to figure out a good schedule and motivate myself to actually work out!

Find a blogging/YouTube routine

Although I would love to be able to report back that I have been uploading YouTube videos and posting on my blog consistently, that is unfortunately not the case. However, I do want to acknowledge the strides I’ve made. I FINALLY uploaded a YouTube video yesterday, and I think just uploading a new video has helped boost my confidence and makes me more likely to continue uploading. Just need to find that steady cadence! I actually touched on the topic of staying motivated in my video, so check it out and leave me a comment with your suggestions if you get the chance.

 

Thanks for reading (and watching)! Let me know in the comments how your resolutions/goals have been going so far this year. I think it’s important to keep ourselves accountable, and also to help encourage others to do the same.

Life doesn’t always go according to plan

Hey everyone, it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything. I’ve been really itching to start blogging again, but I just haven’t been able to decide on what to write. Writing about Spain was easy- who doesn’t love writing about travel and adventure? When I got back from Spain I told myself I would keep writing about random things, and I had plenty of ideas, but alas, my senior year began and I just didn’t have the time or energy to make an effort. I also kept telling myself that my life wasn’t interesting enough to write about.

Fast forward to now: I am a proud TCU graduate with a degree in Public Relations and Advertising, and a Spanish minor. However, there are a few things in my life that are not at all how I pictured them. When I was going to TCU, I had this whole plan for what things would look like after graduation: I would have a full-time job that I loved, I would be living in Austin in a cute little apartment all my own, and I would be surrounded by great friends. In reality, I am currently living back at home with my parents, I am still looking for a job, and I suddenly feel as though all of my close friends are elsewhere. This situation, and the fact that I find myself utterly unable to control my own life, has been very difficult for me to handle.

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I have always been a planner. I loved planning fabulous birthday parties for myself when I was growing up. I was always the friend in the group that would get back in contact with everyone from high school and plan group get-togethers whenever we were back in Austin during college. And I used a calendar and planner religiously for my college classes. I just like to feel in control, which I think is a natural desire for most people. I have also always been a dreamer and an optimist. I have thought up countless ideas for books and movies inside my own head, and I am constantly trying to see the brighter side of a situation. This has made the reality of my life even more difficult, because I have had to realize that some things cannot be controlled or planned. I have applied to and interviewed for countless jobs, but in the end have had no real tangible control over whether or not I land the job. The optimist in me keeps telling myself that those jobs just weren’t meant to be. That I will find the right fit eventually. But it’s hard not to start feeling defeated and take things personally.

I suppose all you can do is try your best to reach your goals, while also realizing that sometimes life doesn’t go according to the plan you have laid out for yourself. I always pictured myself getting a job before I graduated, living on my own, and generally living up my post-grad life. But you know what else I pictured myself doing at one point in life? Being a professional ballerina. Starring in a movie. Joining a band. Playing intramural sports in college. Getting my Hogwarts letter. Dating Ashton Kutcher. You get my point.

Thinking about all of those dreams and plans that at one point seemed so important to me makes me realize that sometimes it’s best to just sit back, relax and enjoy life as it unfolds. Without trying to micromanage it or decide your own fate. I didn’t die from not playing sports in college or becoming a famous actress. And I certainly won’t be killed by unemployment.

So if you are in my shoes, and you’ve been feeling down about the seemingly unfair cards you have been dealt lately, just remember that it gets better. Okay that was cheesy. But seriously, remember that not everything in life can be planned, and not everything will happen the way you hope it will. Just take a deep breathe, and keep working towards your goals, without beating yourself up or concentrating on your “failures”. And if you NEED to feel in control over something, try making some small decision that you know will make you happy. For instance, I just cut my hair shorter after having it long for a while now. I’m loving the new haircut, and it weirdly makes me feel very empowered. Like I have a say in the changes in my life. I may not have full control over when I get a job, but I sure as heck have control over when I get a killer new look!

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Comment below if you have gone through what I am going through. I would love to hear any pieces of advice you might have for staying positive and letting go of things that aren’t in my control!